Stan Cullimore

I am trying to make a film about how you do locks and I’m trying to do it sensibly so you can work it out and it’s instructional but the truth is that I’m not sure it’s going to actually work out because I’m doing it with my son. And when you’re doing locks, I’m basically standing on the engine of the boat so I can’t really hear anything except the engine. My son’s standing over there. All he can hear is water, so there is a lot of shouting. So, I’m trying to do a sort of ‘how to locks’ type video but it might end up just a shouty shouty video ‘how not how to shout at people who don’t understand what you’re trying to get them to do’.

If you hire a canal boat, if you go on a narrow boat holiday, the one thing you will encounter most the time is locks. You will have to go through locks. And you have a really simple, you have a simple choice to make with locks. You either see them as annoying, something you don’t really want to do, something you begrudge. Or you see it as a sport, see it as a game. You enjoy it. Personally, I’m into enjoying it and seeing it as a sport. Today, I’m going to show you how you do a lock. So, if you’re thinking of going on a canal boat holiday, and you’re thinking how do I do that, is it annoying, the truth is it’s really easy and it’s actually great fun. So, here we go.

I’ve mucking around because the water has been emptied out of the lock to make the lock empty and my son, Robin, is opening the gates so I can go into the lock. So, the first thing you have to do, first thing Robin did, was he went up to the loch. He lifted up the paddles and that let all the water out the lock, and then once the lock was empty, he could open the gates and I can get in.

And at the moment because I’m talking, I’m making a pretty bad job of it, I’m going to bump the walls. I’m going to kiss both sides of the lock and Robin will laugh at me. Here we go. I’ve now made my way gently into the lock. I actually didn’t hit the sides very much, that was okay. It was good. And now Robin is closing the lock gate behind me so I am now trapped in an empty lock. And now what’s going to happen is the paddles on the downstream bit, the paddles are lowered, so basically those gates are now solid. There’s no holes in them, but a little gap in the middle but nothing too big. And so now you can open up the paddles at the front of the lock and that will let the water fill the lock and lift up the boat. One thing I forgot to mention earlier, you have to go into locks nice and gently, not too fast. Really slow. And when you’re in the lock, just like now, as the water comes in, it moves you backwards and forwards. That was the gate squeaking as they got pressed together. So, the water moves you and you have to just wobble the boat forwards and backwards so you don’t hit the gates at the front or the back.

But again, it’s something you learn. The main thing is to do it all slowly. Don’t try and rush anything. Again, back to enjoying it. Now, you literally, if you’re driving the boat, you get to stand here for a bit and just try not to hit the front or the back, and just wait for the water to come in. And Robin’s just leaning on a post up there. It’s very chilled out. And you can enjoy the view if you want. Beautiful cornfields. Birds flying overhead.

Now the lock is full, the water is full up. So, Robin’s opening the gate at the front of the boat and I can drive out. And the last thing to be done, you have to lower the paddles at the front of the lock and close the gate again and then you finish the lock. There’s one thing I did forget to mention, and it is incredibly important. Every year you see pictures of boats that are in locks, they’re usually hire boats, and they’ve all sunk. One end is in the water, the others up and it’s really sad. And that’s because they crossed the white line. There’s a white line in the lock. It’s called the cill marker and basically it means that the bottom of the lock gate, there’s a concrete ledge called a cill and you don’t want your boat to get caught on that because if it does, it’s not very nice. So, there’s a white line. In this case, it’s always at the uphill end of the lock, there’s a white line and you must keep your boat away from that white line. Again it sounds scary but it’s just really simple. If you’ll forgive me, I’m gonna head off and do the next one.

There, I hope that made sense. Did I miss anything out? I don’t know but the main thing is, relax, go slow, and if you get stuck, ask someone to help you, ask another boater, they’re always really friendly. Right, onwards at snail’s pace.

We’re at Tardebigge. Tardebigge is a big stretch of about 30 locks, we’ve got 18 left to do.

The problem is, I have rented hire boats, I’ve probably rented quite a few, I’ve been on them and I love them. My son actually lived on a narrow boat, so he’s a real expert so he just continually sees me as a hirer, you know, an idiot. An idiot with a twenty tonne weapon.

What was that you say Robin? It’s okay to leave now, father. What a beautifully taken lock that was. Okay, I’ll head off. That’s what would have been nice if that’s what happened. Sadly there was more swearing and more rudeness. Real life’s like that. I’ve been on canal boat holidays before and I’ve passed couples who are doing locks and it’s obvious they’ve fallen out and they’re not speaking to each other. So, you have got to treat it as an amusing part of the holiday and a game. Don’t take it seriously.